Growing Pains
by Parabola Beam
Summary: The taller you are, the harder you fall. Unless someone's there to catch you. Haku/Neru, Dark Woods Circus, fluffy hurt/comfort.


**Growing Pains**

Was it worth it?

Haku waited for her to wake up, at once desperate to see her again and dreading the inevitable devastating pain. Her new legs were so long that like Haku, she'd had to be placed outside. Part of her felt terrible for feeling even the least bit happy that this had happened. No matter how lonely she'd been, alone in the sky, towering past her best friend and unable to talk to her normally like they so often used to. The thought of being close to her again betrayed her with guilty excitement.

Neru was lain out on the cool grass, beautiful and asleep, skin smooth under the cold moonlight. Her cheeks were faintly puffy with somnolence. The opium had left her breath slow, tranquil: she hadn't felt a thing yet. Her hand was still and delicate in Haku's.

She had never let go of Neru's hand since the operation began. The girl had made it clear that the only thing that would keep her from raising all hell was if Haku could be there. Neru had been able to avoid the treatment for a while: other new additions to the circus' "family" kept business going well enough that she was safe. Her and Haku had existed as the stowaways of the circus, and soon enough, the greedy ringleader decided that cleaning wasn't sufficient for them to earn their humble keep.

Everything was fine that way. Neru and Haku could stay together as usual and at least find comfort in their adapted sense of normalcy. But the moment business slowed, the ringleader flew into a furor and began eyeing them, appraising their value as potential attractions. Haku could tell he was getting closer to picking Neru: she had a bit of an attitude at times, but by no means did she not have a heart.

Haku simply didn't want to see it broken.

She'd snuck out of the bed she and Neru shared that night to speak with the ringleader, plead to allow that she give herself up instead. By no means did it protect her friend completely, but if she could do anything to delay the inevitable, give Neru even just a little more time to enjoy being normal, she would.

It was terrible that Neru had to do this now. Haku knew that. She felt so selfish for being relieved that they could finally be together again.

Neru's fingers curled softly, quivering. Haku held completely still, mouth half-open in surprise. The movement was so feeble, the humblest flutter of life she could imagine touching. She watched as her mouth opened slowly, a disoriented whine escaping.

Haku was able to keep still for only so long: she was scared. Neru's eyes were starting to open and it wouldn't be long now until the rest of her woke up. It was so eerie to see her mischievous gold eyes cloudy, tired, and half-open, as if it were a struggle to support the weight of her lashes, looking especially dark against her unusually sickly complexion. The milky glow of the moon was reflected in her gaze, inundating her eyes with light.

"Am I...dead?"

She sounded utterly exhausted.

"No." Haku told her patiently, rubbing her hand. Neru was steadily regaining consciousness: her hand struggled harder to move, squeezing onto Haku's as more whimpers formed on her lips. "You're going to be okay soon." She was saying it more to convince herself. Neru's eyelids drooped again.

"...stomach hurts..."

It occurred to Haku that the ringleader might have neglected to feed her properly before the surgery. With how long she'd been asleep, she must've been starving. She glanced up and saw some peaches that had fully ripened on the trees. They seemed soft enough. Standing up, she picked one off the tree. It was nice that height was not an issue for something like this, at least, and for that she was grateful. She didn't want her friend to go on without eating for more than she had to. But Neru was still so weak...how in the world would she find the strength to eat when she was having so much trouble speaking?

"Just hold on..." Haku tested the peach; it was juicy, but too firm for Neru to chew. She had to think of something, Neru had to eat, and that was all there was to it. An idea came to her that turned her face the same color as the delicate fruit. As she considered it, she worked the mouthful down more and more, building resolve. Her own bashfulness would have to be set aside, as there was no better alternative, and she wanted her friend as comfortable as possible for the taxing night to come.

She lowered her face over Neru's, hesitating only a brief moment before pressing her mouth against hers. If Neru minded, she was too weary and hungry to raise issue with how she was feeding her. Haku felt her fingertips twitch against her wrist as her lips were gently eased open, the mouthful of peach sliding over Neru's tongue so she could swallow with little effort.

"Do you...feel like you can eat a little more?" Her face was burning up, so close to Neru's, even though it shouldn't have mattered.

"...Please..."

As Haku fed her the peach, bite by bite, she could feel Neru slowly waking, her strength returning. Eventually, she was able to sit her upright and let her lean into the crook of her neck, putting her arm around her shoulders protectively. After being apart for so long, the desire to stay close was becoming a necessity. Neru's renewing appetite showed: it worried Haku how desperately she swallowed each mouthful. She wanted so badly to simply take care of her, ensure no harm would ever befall her, take her to some far corner of the world and hide from everything, just the two of them.

But their chance at freedom had died with the annexation of their new legs.

This circus was the only place for them now.

"I'm glad you're able to eat, at least..." Haku murmured gratefully, brushing a finger over Neru's chin to catch some peach juice that had dribbled over it. She held up the remaining half. "Maybe soon...you can-" Neru interrupted her, mouth shifting over hers. Haku flushed nervously and broke the contact. "I...I need to take a bite first-"

Neru's hand clasped firmly onto Haku's wrist, shoving it and the fruit she was holding away decisively, sending it tumbling across the ground. Haku barely had time to utter a tiny sound of surprise before Neru let go of her wrist, fingers clenching Haku's hair and pulling her face down, much more insistent. Peachy, sweet breath overwhelmed her senses before their lips met once more. Neru's eyes were closed, not out of exhaustion, but an unbridled, honest passion that left Haku trembling with the feelings she'd been too afraid to name.

Haku pulled her closer, slipping her other arm around her waist to deepen the kiss. She knew it was from more than simply wanting to keep Neru comfortable, and she couldn't deny it another moment. Everything she'd felt for her rushed forth at once, like a dam breaking, and her fingers clenched Neru's dress, her hair, afraid that she'd lose her all over again if she let go. Her mouth quivered as tears welled up and made Neru blurry before her; she sucked in ragged breaths as she finally succumbed to the terrible urge to cry that she'd been bottling up for the entire time they'd been apart.

"I missed you." Haku finally whimpered.

"...Yeah-" Neru nodded and kissed her again, "-me too."

A few precious seconds of complete quiet enveloped them as they held each other close, lips sealed together with bruising force. Haku wanted to be gentler, knowing what was going to happen any moment, but she couldn't help but want to be as close to her as possible. She cherished the silence, knowing it would slip away-

The kiss ended, too soon, and Neru slouched against Haku, eyes wide, a cold sweat forming on her brow. She hated knowing that the first night would be the worst and that it had to be this night, right now.

"M-My...legs..." Neru shivered, squeezing her eyes shut, "...they hurt...!" She bit her lip and began breathing heavily, "It r-really, hurts!" It was the worst feeling in the world, watching her suffer through the sensation of the painkillers wearing off, finally feeling what they'd done to her legs.

Haku knew too well what she was going through, the sense that her legs weren't really hers anymore. Seeing Neru made her remember more about it than she wanted to, the horrible emptiness where her legs had been severed, replaced with a grotesque assembly of sewn-together flesh to form new, longer ones. The way the limbs no longer knew themselves, unwieldy and heavy with the different segments, at odds with how to exist and serve their basic function of movement.

Inner agony to the most erosive degree. Neru was raking her fingernails into her hair and pulling hard on the golden strands, anguish evident in her face as her legs struggled between movement and stillness, dullness and life. Her voice was cracking between distressed groans, her entire body quivering in desperation.

"Neru, Neru-" Haku caressed her face carefully, fighting back tears as Neru howled in frustration. She had enough to worry about without seeing her cry. "-it's okay to yell, don't try to hold it in if it hurts-"

"Shut up!" Neru shrieked, following Haku's advice despite the harshness in her voice. "Shut up, shut up!" She screamed at the top of her lungs, tears pouring out of her eyes like Haku had never seen before. The devastation of the spectacle somehow numbed Haku enough to keep her calm. As Neru growled and fisted her fingers more intensely, Haku grabbed her wrists and forced her hands out of her hair. It was all she could do to keep her from hurting herself.

"Let go!" Neru choked, thrashing what she could in an attempt to break her hold. "L-Let me go!" She was already beginning to go hoarse, chest heaving as she panted feverishly. Her skin was hot, eyes dizzy and puffy. Swaying dangerously, her struggles faltered as she collapsed against Haku, still. In sleep, she was quiet and lamblike, but what respite she had was short-lived: she fitfully slipped in and out of consciousness, moaning helplessly and clutching her about the shoulders with as much strength as she could muster. She didn't need to say it for Haku to know she was sorry for her heated outbursts.

Her peacefulness, her dry tears took Haku back to the day of her own surgery. The agony of it was muted by the knowledge that she'd done something for Neru, and she did her best to keep a brave face as her friend had dashed to her side, eyes wide with horror.

_"What have you done to her?" _She could remember her shouting, _"Fix her right now!"_

But there was no fixing what had been done. There was only adapting.

**...**

It was a slow process, teaching Neru to walk again. The heavy velvet of the dress didn't help her any. She was terribly stubborn and insisted on re-learning it as quickly as possible: Haku could tell she was ashamed. Neru fought tooth and nail against the pain, initially refusing help, but having no choice but to accept Haku's aid. She often avoided looking her in the eyes. Haku knew she didn't like when people saw her crying, "weak".

Every now and then though, things crested. They'd be standing together, Haku supporting her unstable frame carefully, and Neru's steps would falter even the slightest bit and she'd bite her lip until it was white, enraged.

"It's alright," Haku said, one such time, "baby steps-"

"I'm not a baby!" Neru screamed into the night, startling Haku. A huge sob burst from her throat suddenly and she hobbled against a tree and eased into a seated position against it, hiding her face in her dress sleeves, body shaking.

Never before had she seen someone so tall look so defenseless, small.

Haku watched her for a long moment, finally stooping to seize her arms and wordlessly yank her to her feet, arms encircling her waist. Neru was too distressed to protest properly, hot tears still rolling down round cheeks. The kiss caught her completely by surprise. Her eyes widened and a muffled cry reverberated against Haku's mouth. Neru made a strained noise in her throat, eyes squeezing shut as she tried to push away from her grasp, but Haku pulled her tighter still, steadying Neru's legs with their equilibrium.

"H-Hey, what are you-?" Neru managed to gasp out, panting, her cheeks going rosier as Haku sealed their lips together once more.

"If you say you aren't a child," Haku's grip on her waist was tight, possessive, "then I won't treat you like one. But Neru-" She leaned closer, foreheads touching, noses brushing, voice falling to an intimate whisper, "-this is our life now. And I don't want to live it without you." Neru stilled, meeting her achingly lonely eyes, remembering everything. "Not...again." The trembling of her lips mouthed a soundless "please", and with a subtle shift of her chin, Neru kissed them, arms draping about Haku's shoulders.

She was sorry and Haku knew it and that was enough. Haku had always done so much for her sake. She couldn't stand her helplessness because she wanted to do the same.

"I-I just don't know what to do," Neru wept quietly against her chest, keeping her face obscured. Her arms looped beneath Haku's so she could grasp her steady shoulders, pitiful frustration lacing her words, "I can't help you, can't...do anything-"

"You can let me hold you." Haku kissed the crown of her head, "I don't need you to do anything else right now." She squeezed her closer, wringing the tensions from her weary body. They stayed like that for a time, slow dancing with the gentle swaying of the surrounding treetops, and things were okay.

This far up, the only one who could judge her was Haku, and Neru knew she wouldn't. She tightened her hold and let the last of her tears go cold on her cheeks. The circling of Haku's palm on her back, the reassuring stroking of her hair made a smile return to Neru's face. She relaxed and took a step back to show it to Haku, their hands joining naturally. Haku looked truly happy; her needs had always been simple.

Neru looked down. She was standing.

"...Thank you."

"You've always been strong." Haku's cheeks tinged peachy pink.

If it had been another time, another place, Neru might not have said what she said next, might've said the three small words a lot faster than she did, but she said them, and most important of all, Haku said them back.

The stars seemed to be twinkling especially bright, as if they were being welcomed to a new family. Neru's gaze drifted between each of the pinpoints of light.

"I wonder what it's like...to touch heaven?" She remained lost in the night sky until Haku's hands cupped her face and pulled her in for another warm kiss.

"I don't."

**A/N: **Ahh I'm so glad I finally finished this~! I started this many, many months ago and simply had to wrap it up. I'd always wanted to do a Haku/Neru DWC fic since they were so cute dancing and hugging, and it looked like Neru was the one needing reassurance and protection for a change~. And...this is my first T-rated story for Vocaloid, woo~! If you are feeling so kind as to leave a review, I'd very much appreciate it~! They make me ever so happy. Thanks so much for reading!


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